Secrets Mirabel Resort & Spa

When we arrived we were greeted by a bellman who took our temperature and provided a luggage a ticket. When we came back out to grab our luggage, we gave him our ticket. As we were waiting, 2 other staff started yelling (I do say this loosely but it was aggressive) at us to “show him our luggage”. We explained we had already given the bellman our ticket and again, “just show me which one is yours!”. What in the world is the point of a luggage ticket if you aren’t even going to use them. I have a lot of valuables with me and if you’re going to make me part with my bag, you sure as sh!t better not just let people “pick their own bags” without any proof! This basically sent the precedent for the entirety of our stay. 

If you have any injury, issue walking or any sort of disability, AVOID THIS PLACE AT ALL COSTS (and even if you don’t).

They put us on the first floor. In order to get to my room we had to take the elevator up to the 2nd floor just to go down several twists and sets of stairs in order to get down to the 1st floor. We were starving we went to find something to eat in this “AI resort”. This place is maze. Every place we ended up finding didn’t even open until 6. The buffet was open but even as hungry as I was, I would NEVER be THAT hungry. We finally found the “snack bar”. The drinks were on par with Tang + an oz of Popov. We got the nachos and burger. Both were cold and dry. We head back to our room and to call it unimpressive would be a compliment. The cabinet broke when I opened it.The bottle opener was so corroded it broke the beer bottle.The outlets were so corroded that they no longer worked.The tv had several months of dust and rust on it.The baseboards were DISGUSTING.The sheets and pillows had hair and stains. Our phone didn’t even work so we couldn’t call anyone for help. 

The thing I was MOST excited about was the plunge pool. It was so murky that the step/seat in there was barely visibly. The deck was broken and decaying. 

When I explained the state of our room they upgraded us to the “honeymoon suite” which would be ready in 20-30 min. We waited in our room for 45 minutes before our patience was up. We can’t call, remember? So we lugged our luggage back up to the lobby and asked him what was going on. If the room isn’t ready, It’s not a big deal. But don’t leave me waiting in my room with no update Finally get to the room and it is big and the view was GORGEOUS. But… what’s a big room without lighting and a place to sit? I immediately checked this bed and there was NOTHING COVERING THE MATRESS PAD! They said they would come and fix it. For dinner we went to Spice. The beer was warm, The ragoons were practically empty. I’ve never seen a more thin piece of salmon on top of a sushi roll before, the majority of the roll was cream cheese and rice. However, the tostada was so delicious we ended up order 6 more and the sweet cream dessert was AMAZING. When we got back, they left us a sheet. They couldn’t even be bothered to make the bed correctly for us? We had to call back down to send someone up. There was no silverware or stir sticks for the coffee (this is petty, I’m aware, but its just a collective issue at this point). The bed was REALLY HARD. So, just something to be aware. The only furniture inside of it was a DISGUSTING, small chair, table and tv hardly viewable from bed. Be careful because there’s this small step up from the “bedroom”and there is ZERO OVERHEAD LIGHTING. The only lights in the room were the 2 reading lamps on the bed. They had to use a flashlight when they came to deliver us a singular lamp.We did room service for breakfast. It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t good. The fruit was very fresh. Eating without a table and chairs was annoying. I had drinks from probably 6 different bartenders before I found one that could make a proper drink. One of the best mojitos I’ve ever had. We did “preferred club”. They don’t check so there's no point. Don’t let the “dress code” deter you.